Any advice here???

The new problem of the week......

There are some things that Christina just has never gotten into that many little kids (girls) usually do.

She "likes" barbies, but doesn't LOVE them.

She "liked" Polly Pockets, but never LOVED them.

She "liked" her Webkinz, but never LOVED it.

She "liked" her Nintendo DS and the 6 different games she had, but she never LOVED it.

All of these things were toys she would play with for very short periods of time, but most of the time, she really didn't care about them.

What she does LOVE and play for hours are crafts, dancing, playing school and just being goofy and running around with friends.

And I know, all kids are different so this isn't something unusual.

But it has recently been causing a problem because Kallie has been quite a different child.

She LOVES Barbies.

She LOVES Polly Pockets.

And she LOVES Christina's Nintendo.

She will play with all these things for hours on end.

Kallie seems to march to her own drum. She plays with what she wants, when she wants. She doesn't care if anyone else will play with her, she doesn't care if there are a bunch of kids over playing something else, if she wants to play "Barbie House" she will play.

Now Christina is the type who is greatly influenced by others (yes, this scares me). If she visits a friend who loves barbies, she will suddenly LOVE barbies. Although a few days later, the love quickly dies and she goes back to playing with the stuff she really loves.

OK, long story short (too late I know), since Kallie has discovered the Nintendo (and the Princess game) Christina has suddenly decided she LOVES her Nintendo. So mom (me) has the problem of trying to keep 2 kids, who want the same toy, happy. But, my frustrations lie in the fact that the reason Christina wants the Nintendo is only because Kallie loves it now.

So, what do I do????

One option is to just keep enforcing the "take turns" options which, when you are talking about a 3 and 7 year old, usually also means lots of fighting and tears.

Another option is to buy another Nintendo so they each have one. However, at about $100 a pop, it seems like a lot of money to avoid fighting. And, if I bought another, although I am pretty sure Kallie would get lots of use out of it, I am thinking the thrill of the Nintendo would quickly die for Christina.

Hmmm.......I don't know...I am SOOOO tired of the fighting, but so not ready to just give in and buy toys to keep kids happy. Although, as I type this, I think that if I did buy another that ended up not being used, I am sure it would be an easy thing to sell and recoup most of the money.

I know, this is a small problem in the scope of all the problems in this world, but I have a headache and I really just want some peace in this house.

Anyone???

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What is "quality of life"

I have not participated in Special Exposure Wednesday in a long while. I had every intention to use this day to blog about my Caroline. But soon, life took over, and I forgot all about that promise to myself.

Anyway, I thought about posting about Caroline this week when an online friend, who also has a child with a similar condition as Caroline, emailed me as her child was sick and she was a bit nervous. She was also just starting to worry, in general, about her son and his future. She really wants someone to be able to tell her what his prognosis is. And honestly, her son is doing very well - he is much stronger and more advanced than my Caroline. So, while she is so sad about what he can't do, I look at him and think I only wish my Caroline could do those things (and he is MUCH younger than she).

I have decided long ago that I don't give a damn what the "experts" think about Caroline's prognosis. She has proved them wrong quite a few times. I mean, there was no way she was going to survive and she is approaching her 6th birthday now.

I also don't care how she compares to other kids with the same or similar condition. She is her own person, she is writing her own story, and she is happy. And that is all that matters to me. There are many kids who do much better than she. There are many kids that are doing much worse than she. That is life. That is true about ANY of us - trisomy OR so-called "normal". You will never be happy if you spend your life worrying that someone else is better than you or smarter than you or has more "stuff" than you. Because for every person that has more than you, there are many many others who have WAY less.

Today I found a essay written a few years ago by a woman on an online support group that I belong to. She has a son with a rare trisomy. I love this essay because it is so absolutely true, but most of us, on a day to day basis, usually don't believe it. And sometimes it is nice to get such a reminder:

Quality of Life

After many years of hearing the quality of life arguement, my feelings are that the biggest mistake other people make is by comparing the quality of life of our children (trisomy) to theirs and what they want out of life.

If you do that - you're right - our kids don't have a quality of life. They will most probably never drive a car, hold down a job or even have children. But thats the quality of life other people see - because thats what they want for themselves and their family. Our kids don't want that any more than Prince Charles wants to be a dish washer and George Bush wouldn't be happy with his life if he parked cars for a living. I mean being a dishwasher is not a bad quality of life neither is parking cars but it wouldnt be a "good" quality of life to Prince Charles or George Bush.

They are confusing quality of life with expectations and if you take the expectations out of our views on quality of life then our kids have it all. They are happy, they enjoy THEIR life and they enjoy it a heck of a lot more than most people. When it boils down to the nitty gritty, they probably have a better quality of life than the rest of us.

When I was born quality of life to me was having a full belly and dry diaper

When I was 5 - quality of life for me was having a new doll
When I was 15 - it was being kissed by a boy
When I was 20 it was owning my own home
When I was 25 it was being able to provide a secure future for my children and the list goes on

Now that I am - lets just say over 40 :-)) I see quality of life totally different. If I can live the rest of my days without wanting for food, having a warm bed, clothes on my back and being able to do what I enjoy doing I will be very happy. And thats exactly what our kids do do - they enjoy what THEY are doing and they are happy. They dont mourn for what they havent got, they rejoice in what they have - and what they have is what we all seek. Being happy and comfortable in life and with who we are.

Their dreams are different to ours, their expectations of life are different. That doesnt make their quality of life better or worse - it just makes it DIFFERENT. And the whole world is different and we have to learn to accept differences and allow other people the RIGHT TO BE DIFFERENT. We, no one should have the right to impose our expectations on our children or anyone else.

I could feel sad that my son has a feeding tube. And believe it or not that was a huge decision for me to make when he was a baby. I cried, I screamed and I agonised over that decision. I honestly thought I was taking away his quality of life by feeding him through a tube. But you see I was imposing my quality of life on him, my expectations. I enjoyed food and eating - he hated food and detested eating.

10 years on he eats without his tube but heaven help me if I suggest taking that feeding tube out. His feeding tube is who he is and HE is happy with who he is. And I have had to come to terms with the fact that his views on the world are different to mine and I have no more right to impose my views on him than I do to my daughter because she chose not to go to university.

My son is happy with his life, very very happy and I really cant ask any more than that for him or anyone else.

Isn't that the truth!?

Have a good one!!!!

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Taking more chances

I agreed to take some photos of local cheerleaders. The coach is a friend of my SIL's and she thought it would be nice to get some photos of her girls as they were practicing cheers. She wanted to give prints as gifts to her girls since it is her last year coaching.

I thought it would be a great experience, until the day got closer and closer, and I suddenly was extremely nervous.

Taking photos of indoor sports is quite different than taking portrait type photos. There are a lot more people, they are moving fast, and there is NO posing whatsoever. I also really couldn't use my new flash so I had to bump up my ISO and hope for the best.

When I initially agree to these new challenges - such as these cheerleading photos and the wedding - I think what a great learning experience this will be!

But then, when the day draws closer, I start to panic and worry that I will completely fail and they will all think that I am a horribly incompetent photographer. I literally make myself sick with worry.

As I left to take the cheerleading photos, I remarked to my husband "I just know I will die a slow and painful death today". And he remarks "GREAT attitude!", with just a bit of sarcasm.

Surprisingly, it wasn't a disaster and I think the photos turned out pretty nice. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, so I had lots of natural light to help me out. I took over 400 shots. And, as I was taking the photos, I felt amazingly confident and actually had a really good time.

I think this photography venture is one of the best things I have ever done. I still, seriously, don't know how successful I will be. But I feel like it is forcing me to be a bit more brave, take some chances, come out of my comfort zone. It is only then can you ever have a chance at some real success. Taking the easy road usually doesn't lead you anywhere spectacular.

If, when all is said and done, this wasn't the right venture for me, at least I know that I actually took a chance. And at least I can feel a bit of pride in myself. At least I won't be kicking myself for not even trying.

And, if I do fail, at least my kids will have about 21,249,583 photos of themselves to document pretty much every single day of their lives - doing anything:

and everything.

(This was completely her own idea - she INSISTED I take this picture. What a goofball.)

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Not to worry...

I am sure you were quite worried (OK, you probably don't give a damn), but I think I determined what my Kallie's problem was these last couple days. I think she was just in need of a good snooze.

Last night, after I wrestled her crazy self into bed, she fell asleep only mere minutes after her head hit the pillow at about 7:45 p.m.

And when she wake you ask??

Well, she woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed at, get this, 10:15 a.m.!!!! That is over 14 hours of solid snooze time for those who are counting.

And how did my Kallie fare today? Well, she was MUCH better and MUCH more herself.

Amazing what a good night's sleep can do.

Now if there was just as easy a solution for this dreary weather forecast:

And this wonderful news from our local weatherman:

Lake Effect Snow...
In the wake of low pressure, lake effect snow will persist through Friday. Areas in the snowbelt can easily see over a foot of snow by Friday. Very cold temps. will also be with us in the short term. temperatures. The high was 43 yesterday, today temps have fallen into the upper teens. Coupled with gusty winds it will feel bitterly cold outside. The next storm will move in Saturday into Sunday bringing even more snow to the region.

Ugh.

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Help!

All I want to know is who took my easy going Kallie Wallie and replaced her with a crazy, demanding, LOUD 3 year old with an attitude??? (Oh, yeah, I know I just complained about her a few posts ago, but now she is even MORE difficult, if you can believe that.)

This mom is not happy about the switch. Kallie is usually quite good. Kallie usually has a bit of a daytime routine including playing "Barbie House" watching a DVD or two, playing more "Barbie House", etc etc etc. Kallie usually has at a least a few chunks of time where she happily plays by herself.

This Kallie is much different. This Kallie suddenly decided not to touch Barbie House. This Kallie talks to Mommy nonstop (which is fine except when you want to make a phone call or just have a couple minutes of peace and quiet). This Kallie also demands drinks and is "hun-gee" all day, even though she often doesn't even eat what she asks for anyway. This Kallie has been crazy-wild at the end of the day to the point where Eric and I are just flabbergasted and overwhelmed.

I am thinking that either she has needed more sleep than she has been getting, or is not feeling well, or, hopefully, some other logical explanation. Because don't think I can take many more cold, dreary, dark winter days stuck inside with out-of-control crazy 3 year old.

Oh, I so need some sun and warm weather. And with a forecast like this:

I barely see even a glimmer of hope in my near future..........help.

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A little getaway that ended on a sour note

Today, Sunday, I woke up and decided that a day out shopping, by myself, for nothing in particular is exactly what I need. We had no plans, and I have been feeling a bit stir crazy, so I thought I day wandering at our local outlet mall would be a bit therapeutic.

And it was, at first.

I browsed a bunch of stores and got some great deals on stuff I never even knew I needed! Seriously though, they were incredible deals - $40 sweaters from American Eagle for $11! Old Navy jeans for Christina for $4.99! Carter's pj's for $4.50! Adorable Gymboree shirts for $5!

I even treated myself to a little coffee drink and just sat there and people watched.

I pondered the never-ended question of why here, in the middle of absolute rural USA, can there be SO many foreigners speaking all sorts of different languages??? I honestly don't care that they are there, but I just want to know from where they came. It has to be from quite a distance.

I chuckled at a couple who were lovingly holding hands as they decided which food court selection to pick. Yeah, I looked, no rings on any fingers. Ahhh...I miss falling in love.

And I laughed hysterically at the young girl with the jeans SOOO low that she was sharing MUCH more information that any of us wanted.

So entertaining.

I then browsed a few more stores and decided I spent enough money, I will make the trek on home. As I walked down the sidewalk I heard a child just screaming and crying. Ahead of me, a dad (I think) was trying to get his 2 or 3 year old to sit in the stroller. She was hysterical. And what did said "Dad" do? Well, beat the CRAP out of the little girl. I was literally sick. The poor little girl was just crying "I want Mama" over and over and he continued to yell at her and smack her. Yeah, THAT solved his problem. Jerk.

I know there may be more to that story, but I also know that it was DAMN cold. And what toddler LIKES shopping at outlet malls anyway? Not many, especially in winter.

I didn't know what to do. I felt like I should do something, but instead walked back to my car in tears. What can you do in such a situation? I know most people just act that they didn't see anything and walk away. But is that the right thing? I don't know. All I know is that I keep thinking about that poor little girl.

Anyway, I was a bit bummed that my day "off" ended on such a note. But it was still nice to get away. I definitely need a bit of time away once in a while to really appreciate my own crazy crew.

Have a good one!!!!

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It's another "where does she learn this stuff??" post!

It just never ceases to amaze me the stuff that comes out of my 7 year old's mouth. And this week, there seems to be a plethora of stuff so I just HAD to share it.

The other day, as we were lying by the fire, Christina was looking at me. She commented on the "spots" on my face. (Yes dear, THANK you so much for bringing that to my attention.) But what I said was:

"Well, I am getting old and...."

"Oh yeah" she interjects "you were in the sun when you were little."

"Yes, I need make-up to cover them."

"But mom, why do wear make-up? You look cute without it!"

Yeah, big bonus points there.

Then I she gave me her Valentine's day note.

Geez oh man - she's only 7.....Appreciate me???

Then yesterday (which was a GREAT day I tell you (insert sarcasm)) I spent way more time yelling at my kids (well, actually ONE kid) all day. I hate these days. I know the problem was that Kallie woke Christina at 6. Christina was up for the day. Kallie fell back asleep and slept until 11:00!!!!!

But as soon as Christina came home from school, it was constant fighting with her sister. I thought I would go CRAZY. I ended the day with a bit of cookie making to help improve the mood, but again, Christina was getting difficult and I, again, had to reprimand her. Her reply?

"You are just jealous of me!" Christina retorted.

"And what does "jealous" mean?" I ask.

"Um...I don't know."

Then, about 10 minutes later, I was giving her a little talk about wanting stuff and how more and more stuff is not going to make her happy. And then I reminded her about how she spent her own money on a Hannah Montana wig that she was DYING to have, but has since barely used.

"Remember that wig?" I said. "You wanted it so badly but now you never use it."

"I use it, during my simple times." She replied.

"Simple times?" I ask.

"Yeah."

"Well, what are "simple times"" I question.

"When I am in my room, just listening to music." She answers.

Hmmmm. I seriously need some simple times.

Oh my.

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Fun with a 3 year old

I have said this before, and I will say it again and again and again....whoever claimed the "2's" were terrible, never met a 3 year old.

Oh, the 2 year olds have tantrums and you can't reason with them...but a 3 year old does all that and has started to learn how to be sneaky and how to backtalk, seems a bit more stubborn AND has given up her naps. Which makes this age just oh-so-much-more-fun!!!

First I will start with some of the things that are OH-SO-CUTE about my 3 year old - Miss Kallie Wallie.

1. She mispronounces words in the cutest way ever.

Tricked is twicked.

Hungry is Hun-gee.

Christina is Cwintina.

Goldfish is Gosfiss.

Horse is Force

Too cute.

2. She uses words in the completely wrong context.

She always tells me "Mom, you twicked me!" - when I do something like give her toast AND yogurt when she just asked for yogurt.

3. She hides behind the couch, or behind a doorway and sticks out her hand (or other body part) and asks me "Mom, do you see a hand?" "Mom do you see two hands?". And then laughs hysterically because, you know, it is the funniest thing EVER.

But then there are the tough things about having a 3 year old.

1. She has decided dinner is optional and will run - and hide!- when I call her. I have to literally carry her to the table where she immediately starts a full blown tantrum. And the rest of us try as best we can to just ignore her as we continue to eat. And her crying episodes will continue on for HOURS. The rest of us have finished dinner, cleaned up the table (sans Kallie's plate) and are off doing other things. While Miss Kallie Wallie continues to cry.

2. She has discovered how to be sneaky.

She will accidentally break something, and then hide them under the couch.

She will decide she wants Christina's lip gloss, so she hides it under the couch.

She wants to play with Christina's play make-up - so she locks herself in their bedroom.

So today, I decided I needed a naptime. I don't know if Kallie will sleep, I don't know if Kallie is tired, but all I know is that I NEED Miss Kallie to sit in her bed for a good hour while Mom regroups and relaxes.

Today I went through some very old photos and I was looking at the photos from the month that Kallie was born. And all these memories of her birth came flooding back. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. I was SO scared that history would repeat itself, and my third child would be wisked away into the ICU like Caroline was. But Kallie was absolutely perfect in every single way. We took this photo before leaving the hospital. I just love how Caroline has her hand on Kallie's knee.

Looking back at these times almost makes me wish I wasn't done having kids. ALMOST. Unfortunately, these adorable little newborns so quickly become crazy and difficult 3 year olds.

--------------------------

Unrelated......does anyone else watch the Bachelor? I know this show is way stupid, but it is one of my most favorite shows on TV. I just can't wait to see what happens next week with Deanna! I think I can guess the outcome, but it should be fun to watch. I can't believe she flew (or, should I say, the SHOW flew her) all the way to New Zealand!

Unfortunately, that show only has a few weeks left, but I just heard that the Amazing Race is starting Sunday? I LOVE that show!

But I do want to add, even though I love to watch some fairly ridiculous shows, I do have say that "Friday Night Lights" is the best show on TV by far. I absolutely LOVE Coach Eric, who, by the way, is in many ways similar to my own coaching husband.

Well, have a good one!!!

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February funk

It was a crazy busy weekend - and today I feel like doing absolutely nothing. But I have actually felt this way for a few weeks now so I am thinking it is the annual February funk which results from the endless cold and snow coupled with my husband's crazy coaching schedule. And I am sick of it.

Funny, but as I started writing this post, I thought that I remember feeling this same way last year. So I did a quick search of my archives and found this post. I actually wrote a "funk" post almost exactly one year ago (2/8/08) today! How hilarious! It just must be this time of year!

Anyway, we did have a busy weekend and Christina referred to it as "Cousin Weekend". We had one set of cousins over on Saturday evening for food and fun. And then we drove up my hometown on Sunday for some fun with the other set of cousins.

I often think I shouldn't let Christina know we are even going to see any of her cousins until they are pulling in our driveway or we are pulling in theirs.

She was SOOO excited about Saturday and Sunday that she barely slept on Friday night and was up bright and early Saturday morning. At about 8 a.m. she started asking when everyone would be there. Since the cousins were coming for dinner, she only had about 8 hours to wait. Luckily, it was a WARM day so I actually could boot my kids outside for a bit to run off some steam.

The Saturday night festivities lasted until about 10 p.m., which is also about 2 hours past my kiddo's bedtime. I don't really mind letting them stay up every once in a while....but my kids don't know the meaning of "sleeping in", so they were both up as early as usual. It didn't help that the next day included plans to see their other set of cousins, so they were so excited, that sleeping in is not an option. Again, I should probably have waited until we were in the car before telling them we were going.

But, as we drove home late yesterday afternoon after cousin #2 get-together, both kids literally passed out in the back seat. I think, finally, their little bodies gave up the fight and finally got some much needed rest.

And today, all I feel like doing is, well....absolutely nothing. I so need something to look forward to. I think this mom needs a day out all by herself very soon. Or maybe I just need to fast forward to spring.

In an attempt to improve this funk, I did break down today and purchased a new flash for my camera today. HUGE deal for me as I have been so committed to only using natural light. However, I have also been so unmotivated and frustrated with my photography as well. I am having a hard time even getting my 365 photo in each day and have resorted to uploading some pretty crappy shots.

I hope this flash will energize my photography a bit. I much prefer natural light, but I know, with a new flash, that will open up many more possibilities and opportunities. I haven't had any new photo shoots in a few weeks now, and I know that is part of my "funk" problem as well. I do have a few shoots in limbo as we wait for a nice day for outdoor portraits but nice days are just not happening. I am hoping that the flash will allow me to start scheduling some of these shoots with the added option of moving things indoors if needed.

Well, I better try to get something done around here.

Think Spring!!!!

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They are trouble I tell you!!!

Yeah, they may look cute and sweet and all that stuff, but I am here to tell you, they are trouble with a capital T!

You see this little one?

She turned our dinner tonight into scene reminiscent of an episode of Supernanny. She refused to eat, even though we just had her favorite - pizza. And then she left the table after I told her to not to leave until I say so. And we started the battle of the century.

After repeated callings with no response, I finally went to look for her. I found her LOCKED in her bedroom playing with her sister's lip gloss.

She was firmly placed back in her seat the table, where she cried for a good hour or so (slight exaggeration) and, again, took off without a bite.

We repeated this little scenario until Christina came to her rescue and asked her if she could help her eat.

Two minutes later, her plate is clean and the crises is over. Oh, and don't worry, I am definitely not a "clean your plate" kind of mom. But I think requiring FIVE bites of pizza isn't asking too much. But maybe it is....

And then there is this little one:

Christina is the queen of "I want". She a perfect example of why kids shouldn't have too much stuff. Because none of that stuff makes them any happier and all they want is more STUFF.

Once she has an idea stuck in her head about something she wants, it is ALL she talks about.
Tonight it is a pair of shoes.

She wants some shoes that she can dance around the house in. She saw them at a second hand store many months ago and decided she is going to get them this weekend. I told her 'NO'. It is absolutely a waste of money and she has too much "stuff" anyway.

So after I finally wrestled crazy Kallie into bed for the night. I came down to find this on my desk:

So help me.

Right now I am so mentally and physically exhausted and I starting to wonder whose crazy idea it was to want to add 3 kiddos to our household. Maybe I should have just settled for one of these cute little things:

Except she isn't always so cute either...

Good night.

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The age old mustard question

What is the mustard question you ask? Well, it is the beginning of a much bigger issue that almost all kids and parents face.

Let me first explain that my Christina loves mustard - any kind of mustard - hot mustard, honey mustard, yellow mustard. She loves it on hot dogs, sandwiches and uses it as a dip for chicken.

She is now in first grade. And, little by little, as much as I try to fight it, she is starting to get influenced by the opinions of her peers. She is starting to care what they think, she is starting to do what they do, she is starting to like what they like.

And it is even affecting her mustard. How? Well, I made her a ham sandwich for lunch the other day. When she came home she informed me that her friends were all saying "YUCK!!! MUSTARD!!!".

I tried to act like it was no big deal. I laughed and told her to just tell them "You aren't eating it so you don't need to worry about it."

But the next day, as I made her lunch, she noticed I was putting mustard on her sandwich and she comment "Oh" (in a very disappointed tone). And again, I gave her a talk about how she absolutely shouldn't care what others think - especially about something as ridiculous as her sandwich. And she said "OK" and laughed a bit.

Now, what bothers me is that I know this is just the tiny tip of a very big iceberg that we almost all face. We care tremendously about what others think about us. It influences us in so many ways and causes us to do things that we know aren't right or ethical or smart.

I see it happening already, and wish there was a magic pill that would let my little ones learn to march to their drum, do what they know is right and not worry for one single second what others think or say.

But, unfortunately, that pill doesn't exist. And I have to figure out how to raise my little sweetie handle these situations in a way that will allow her to have a happy and productive life.

Although I do believe that some kids are just wired differently. I am not so sure my Kallie Wallie is going to care as much what others think. She seems to march to her own little drummer. And that is A-OK with me.

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