When bad things happen...

I belong to an email support group for parents of children with rare trisomy disorders. I haven't been very active in this group over the last year or so. Caroline has been doing fairly well, and I have just been caught up in all the other stuff in my life - my kids, my photography etc etc.

In the early days, when Caroline was just a tiny (and I mean TINY, like 4 pounds) struggling baby, I found this group and it quickly became my lifeline. Seriously. To find a group of parents who knew exactly what I was going through was amazing. And when they were able to provide insight and suggestions for my questions on meds and tube feedings and seizures. I knew they were a Godsend.

There is a mom on the list that I felt particularly close to. She is such a kind lady and her daughter (diagnosed with trisomy 18) was only a few months older than my Caroline. When I became pregnant with Kallie, she also soon found she was expecting her first "after trisomy" child. It was a scary and exciting time and it was so nice to have someone to share all those fears with. We both delivered healthy baby girls within a few weeks of each other. It was an incredible experience that only someone who been in the same situation can truly understand.

This morning, I woke and went to check my email before starting my day. I noticed a message in my group from my friend. And the subject was "with great sorrow". I couldn't believe it. I read through the email in shock. Her daughter (with T18) had been fighting a cold and fever. It wasn't anything too unusual and they weren't too concerned. However, a few days later, when her breathing became odd, and she decided to take her to the hospital. As they were driving, she looked back and realized her daughter was completely unresponsive. She pulled to the side of the road, completely frozen with fear and knew her little girl was suddenly gone.

My friend is obviously in despair. She is also trying to help her 3 year old understand where her big sister is. She knows her sister is now running and laughing and talking up in heaven. But she still wants her sissy home with her.

This really hit me so hard today. Many parents in this group have suffered losses over the years. Most children with rare trisomies don't survive birth, let alone long after. This little girl baffled the experts when her "fatal condition" allowed her to live over six years. Even though we all know our little angels don't have the life expectancy of a "normal" child, it still hurts just as much when another is lost.

I woke Caroline for school and she just smiled and laughed as I kissed and hugged her way more than usual. I know people often question why bad things happen. I honestly feel that, as hard as it these times are, we need these time to give us the shock we need to remember that life is so precious and so fleeting. When things are good, it is way too easy to get caught up in every day life. It is often only after we are hit with the "bad things" in life that we realize we all need to kiss and hug our loved ones way more than usual every single day. Unfortunately, it is a reminder we probably all need.

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I may be sick of the snow....

but you have to admit it is pretty darn incredible looking!

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Something less than catharsis

Well, today is snow day #...well, I don't know. But WAY too many in my book! I hate snow days. Snow days mean everyone is home with nowhere to go. And mom has 10x more work. I get nothing done, the house gets turned inside out.

I am quickly getting a little tired of this winter weather thing. Holy cow, has this been the worst winter or what? I don't know, they claim there is global warming, but we are so far from "warm" in our world that I am thinking the next ice age is on the horizon. Even our summers have been much cooler than normal. Just doesn't make sense to me, but what do I know?

Anyway, I am hoping to get some motivation to edit the photos from last week's wedding disaster. It is almost painful to even look at these photos - let alone try to edit them to the point of being usable.

Seriously though, there are some nice photos, but I had to have the ISO SOOOO high that the grain just irks me. There are very few (if any) sharp photos. But, hopefully, if they don't blow up the photos too big or look too closely, they won't really see it. This is probably my favorite photo (and I know it isn't great by any shape or form). It just shows how small and intimate the little wedding was. It was such a sweet wedding because the bride and groom were truly happy. The bride has faced quite a few hard times in her life - especially the tragic loss of her husband 5 years ago. And for her to find happiness again was just amazing.

Oh, and I am going to help my MIL put together a photo book for a wedding present. I thought it would be so nice to include a poem that would be appropriate for a second wedding for a widow. Does anyone know of any appropriate poems? I did some searching, but found nothing so far. I may try to write my own, but not sure if I can.

Well, the kids are already fighting, hubby's snoring on the couch and I better get started with this lovely snow day. Ugh.

Have a good one!

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Cartharsis

That is the only way I can describe this weekend. It was a MUCH needed emotional cleansing. And this chicky is feeling pretty damn alright.

Last week was crazy busy. I started the week off with my first senior photo shoot. I spent the next couple days editing photos because, on Friday, I was going to be taking photos at my husband's aunt's wedding. Yup, a wedding. So between the editing of the senior photos and the preparing for the wedding, not to mention taking care of 3 crazy kids and a house and an overabundance of laundry, I was just a bit overwhelmed.

My husband's aunt was getting married last Friday night. She is older and a widow. So the wedding was small and she was originally going to just have someone at the wedding take snapshots. But my MIL thought I may like the experience of taking the photos. And I definitely was up for the challenge.

However, as the day got closer I got more and more freaked out. It was a nighttime wedding, and I don't own an external flash (only the on-camera pop-up). So I had to bump up the ISO, use my fastest lens (my 50 f/1.8) and hope for the best. The photos are OK. And, as long as they don't want to enlarge them any more than a thumbnail, they should be quite happy! (LOL). No, seriously, they aren't too bad, but not my best work. I am not sure I will try something like that again without first adding a new flash to my collection.

Anyway, after the senior photos were done and the pressure of the wedding had passed, I felt like a giant weight was lifted off my shoulders. And all I wanted to do was crash.

I was up early Saturday morning for a hair appointment. And, after some MUCH needed highlights and a MUCH needed cut, I felt I looked much better.

For once, my husband was home all weekend, no coaching activities. And, for once, on Saturday, my husband took Christina to run errands and Kallie sat quietly playing by herself for, literally, hours. And me? Well, I parked my butt on my couch, in front of my woodstove and watched the entire Sex and the City movie on DVD. It felt incredible. I ended the evening with a nice dinner and some more mindless TV.

Today we slept in a bit (Kallie actually slept from 8:30 last night to 9:30 this morning!). I then ambled down to the Y for a long workout. For once, I had absolutely no reason to hurry home. And it felt so amazing.

I am one that NEEDS to exercise. I NEED to run, or bike or get to the Y to do some weight training. And I often think I need to exercise more for my mind than my body. It is only during my workouts that my mind is able to just wander, that I am able to think clearly and positively and, often, very constructively. And I am able to return back to my family completely refreshed and rejuvenated.

So, after a much needed appointment at the salon, lots of couch time, a good workout, and enough sleep time, the most appropriate word to describe my weekend?

Definitely catharsis!

MWAH!

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Why Sleeping Beauty is a bad influence...and some other stuff

We have been wrestling with sick kiddos over the last week. First Christina got a bad cold/bronchitis thing. Now Kallie is suffering. And Caroline is starting to sneeze. And I feel that scratchy thing in my throat.

I hate the sick season. But this is actually our first real dose this season. Last year was a bad one and we were all sick a LOT. So, so far, so good.

Anyway, since Kallie is so sick, she is a bit more difficult. But, of course, that is understandable. Lately, however, she started a new phrase that, normally, I may give her a bit of a talking to about and advise her not to keep repeating it. But since she is sick, I have been pardoning her behavior.

She has started to call people "idiots".

I have noticed this a few times in the last week but it wasn't necessarily directed at a person. It was just uttered. So I didn't say anything.

But yesterday, in her sick state, she got mad at my new winter snow shoes because she couldn't get them on her feet. And she yelled at Christina:

"I can't get the shoes on you IDIOT!"

I overheard this and, instead of reprimanding her, I had to stifle my laughter as I hurried into the other room to let my husband in on the new phrase. I know she shouldn't talk like that, but I also know she has no idea what that means. As I said, she is very sick so attempts at punishment will be fruitless.

Then this morning, Kallie asked me to give her her blanket. It was next to me so I tossed it over. As it fell, it brushed her hair. Normally, she would laugh and go on her way. Not today. Today she yelled:

"You hit my head you IDIOT!"

And then she started crying. And, honestly, she was so sick and so pathetic that I just picked her up until she calmed down.

Now I abolutely enforce respect for others in my house. And we never call each other idiots at home. So where is she getting this new phrase from? Tonight, I got my answer.

Tonight, she was watching her Sleeping Beauty DVD (for the 10, 348th time). And I was half listening as I was doing other things. Until I heard the witch. The witch gets mad at some creature and shouts:

"YOU IDIOT! IMBECILE!!".

And all I could think was "AHA!" You'd think she got that phrase from some show on TV that she probably shouldn't have been watching. And all along, it was good ole Walt Disney.

And a quick unrelated note...

I had my first senior photo shoot this week. I had the BEST time. I love taking photos of kids, but holy cow it was nice taking portraits for someone who isn't crying, throwing a tantrum or running away from the camera! And I think the photos turned out pretty nice! You can see them on my photo blog!

Have a good one!

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Sometimes a little screw in your shoe is all you need!!

In my last post, I mentioned how I hate much about January.

I hate being completely housebound for days on end. I hate not having my husband around much to give me a break with the kids. I hate that the snow and ice makes it impossible to drive anywhere, and even stops me from getting out for a MUCH needed run around the neighborhood.

Until now.

I also mentioned in my last post that I found a way that I CAN run in the snow and on slippery roads.

The Screw Shoe!

What is the screw shoe you ask? Well, it is just what is sounds like. You put screws in the bottom of your running shoes. And the heads of the screws act like little grippers. And those little suckers let me actually get outside for a run when I honestly need it the MOST.

Here are the shoes that saved my sanity yesterday:

Now I must say that these little screws aren't a completely perfect solution. When I got out the other day and the road was pretty icy with little snow, I had a few slips. But if there is a bit of snow to grip into, they seem to work pretty well!

Yesterday was just one of those days. My Kallie was up a bit early and, hence, was a bit more difficult during the morning and early afternoon. I think I spent a good 3 hours looking for a number of very important items that she was missing:

• Her phone
• Sleeping Beauty (polly pocket doll)
  
• Prince Philip (another polly pocket doll)
  
• The red and green light (still have no idea what this is, so it was never recovered)
• And a few other important items that are usually about the size of a Q-tip or a peanut M&M.

But by early afternoon she agreed to hit the sack and actually took a nap. And, when hubby came home, I just HAD to get out of the house.

So I donned many layers, gloves, a hat and my screw shoes and ventured out in the FRIGID temps. It was about10 degrees and there was a wind chill advisory. But honestly, it was one of the best runs I ever had.

Due to the snow and cold, there was literally not another soul out there. I had the road to myself. It was completely quiet and beautiful and incredibly peaceful. And I ran and ran and ran and let my mind just wander and refresh itself. I didn't even want to stop!

And I felt a million times better. Gotta love the screws!!!

Have a good one!

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Why I love January (insert sarcasm)

I hate January actually. Well, not really hate it, but I definitely don't look forward to it.

For one, it is the busiest time for my husband's coaching activities. He has meets on most Mondays and Thursdays plus 2 all day Saturday meets. On those days he is usually gone from early morning until after the kiddos go to bed. And I am usually housebound because it is January you know. And January means there is usually lots of snow and cold. Getting 3 kids (one in a wheelchair) out and about is a bit more trouble than it is worth. So I wimp out and just stay home.

I also hate that snowy and icy roadways make getting out for a run treacherous. And I hate treadmills. But last weekend I discovered the art of the Screw shoe!! Yes, I made my hubby put screws in the bottom of my running shoes. And it really does work! I ran on Sunday morning without one slip or slide. And tonight I cannot wait to get out again.

And the third reason, tied in with my first reason, is that the weather is awful. Now granted, I love a snowy day stuck at home by the woodstove every once in a while. But when you are stuck in for weeks at a time, it stinks. And when you live out in the country, everything is a good drive away. Add some snow and ice in the mix and everything is HOURS away (sort of).

Today I really needed to get out. I was stuck in all day yesterday and we needed groceries, badly. But it was lightly snowing. I called my hubby to see how things looked down his way and he said "the roads will be fine".

HA!

The roads were horrible. Yet I was determined to get my shopping done so I drove on. We have many steep windy hills around here and our van tires are not the best. But I managed to get to the store. On the way home, I took a back road that wasn't as steep and had no traffic, so I was doing quite well and quite happy with our progress.

Until, when we almost were home, some idiot in a HUGE diesel truck pulls out in front of me ON a steep hill that I was trying to get a run for. UGH. Luckily, I made it up the rest of the hill with a bit of slipping and sliding.

I had a few choice words for Mr. Truck. Of course, my 3 year old was in the back so my words were carefully chosen. But Miss Kallie knew I wasn't too happy. And she was quick to add her own opinions.

"That twuck is BAD Mommy!"

And when we finally pulled in the driveway she was so relieved and exclaimed "WE MADE IT!!! WE'RE HOME!!!! I CAN PLAY BARBIE HOUSE!!!!". Apparently she wasn't very confident in my driving abilities. Hmm.

However, she did have a solution to prevent this from happening again.

"Mommy, next time just leave me home."

Yeah, good idea, but I don't think so dear.

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Keeping it "real" in the blog world (?)

I have been wanting to write a post about this topic for a while now. It is just a, I guess, pet-peeve of mine that has surfaced since I joined the blog world a little over a year ago. It is about a blogger's popularity and it is about what is really, real.

I have found and perused hundreds of blogs over the last year. Some bloggers I immediately enjoy and add them to my reader. Some bloggers I find educational, so I add them to my reader. Some bloggers I find interesting in a 'car wreck' sort of way, so I add them to my reader. And some bloggers I just decide aren't for me and I go on my merry way.

The bloggers I enjoy, I usually (albeit not often enough) comment on their posts when I feel it is appropriate.

The bloggers I find educational, I read yet rarely comment. I love learning from them, but I don't often feel like I have anything to add. Although I am sure I really should at least add a "thank you" every once in a while.

And then there are the "car wreck" bloggers. These are the ones that are SO different from me and my little blog that even though they are in my reader, I don't read them often. However, once in a while, I just have to stop by and see what is going on (hence the name - car wreck). These are bloggers that I seriously doubt I would be friends with because our views are SO vastly different, but also because they seem to be such negative and unhappy and angry people. But these are also often bloggers that seem to have a HUGE following of people who commend these people for being "real" and "telling it as it is". And, usually, there are quite a few comments that include some variation of "I love you and your blog!".

So I ask, what is "real"?

Why is it that the more negative, the more controversial, the more shocking, and (and once in a while, X-rated) blogger is, the more REAL they are claimed to be?

Why can't the blogger who lives and loves and blogs about a life reminiscent of June Cleaver be just as real as the more controversial blogger? Just because the June Cleaver wannabe lives a life that many find laughable, doesn't mean that person is necessarily not being real. They may very well be VERY happy spending their days taking care of their homes and their families. Yet MANY people would look at these bloggers and utter - GET REAL!

I think I fall somewhere between the two extremes, but probably more like June than Ms. X. I don't blog about politics, religion or personal family issues, but what I write is real. My kids and hubby are incredible, if they aren't driving me bonkers and I am ready to toss them on the next train out of town. And I truly like being a SAHM, even though there are some days I seriously need a break.

I definitely think there are many bloggers that aren't real, from both ends of the spectrum. But what I want to know is why the more angry and controversial you are, the more "real" you are claimed to be? Are they really real? Or just looking for attention.

And honestly, I guess this really isn't a pet peeve as much as an interesting observation and a source of occasional amusement and speculation. I honestly don't care what they write, because you know, it is your blog, do what you want!

Well, have a good one!!!

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If you give a 3 year old your SLR camera....

she actually does pretty damn alright!

I was snapping some shots of Kallie this afternoon when she asked if she could take a picture.

My first reaction - um, no sweetie. But then I said...Well, OK, just be very careful. Look in it until you see Mommy!

And this is what she got!

Not too bad!! This is probably the fourth photo taken of me in the last year. Being a crazy photographer, I am always behind the camera, not in front of it.

Although maybe that isn't necessarily such a bad thing. Looking at myself in a photo makes me realize how old I am getting! Holy wrinkles (and this is AFTER I ran the Coffeeshop PowderRoom action!)!

Of course, when I grew up, our "sunscreen" consisted of baby oil and tan accelerator - Only the deepest savage tan for us !! And that's my story and I am sticking too it!!!

Sorry...I digressed....


And then she even started directing me.

"Hold Ariel!"

"Act goofy!"

Of course, she later reprimanded me and said "I didn't want you to stick your tongue out! I wanted you to smile AND be goofy."

So maybe it is better I stay behind the camera.

Have a good one!

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Tap tappity tap tap tap....

What's that you ask? Well, that is the clicking of my heels as I do my little happy dance!!!!

Things are restored to normal, routine is back in place, kids/hubby are back in school.....Mom is a very happy camper.

Oh, I love my family, don't get me wrong. But 3 kids and one BIG kid holed up in the house with way too many toys can drive the most loving and nuturing mother bonkers. And this particular mother is very happy that it is all over. Routine is good.

What I want to know (although I actually already know the answer) is why it is that the more toys and stuff your kids get for Christmas, the more trouble you have. And, after you haul your third truckful of toys into your house after all the Christmas festivies (OK, slight exaggeration), your eldest can come up to you and utter:

"Mom, I'm bored."

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (That is Mom screaming)

WHY?? Well, I know the answer is that kids are actually happier with less stuff. The more stuff, the more they get overwhelmed, and then the "boredom" sets in.

I really do try to cut down on the stuff every year, but I also know that the whole Santa Claus, Christmas morning magic only lasts a few years. Yes, all kids (including me) look forward to Christmas, but it is just different when you are a tiny tot who believes with all their heart that a big old man in a red suit will be coming down their chimney when they are asleep. The wonder and the excitement is absolutely priceless.

So, this year I got caught up and the girls had a plethora of Disney Princess and Hannah Montana stuff under their tree. And they were absolutely thrilled.

Two days later, the initial Christmas excitement wore off and the kids are fighting and "want something to eat (2 minutes after lunch)" and are bored and "Kallie won't play with me!" "Christina won't play with me!" etc etc etc. AND we have 7 more days of "vacation". yippee.

But today was a great morning. Everyone woke with a huge smile and was excited to get back into the routine - especially me.

Daddy was up and gone before anyone else awoke.

Christina quickly got dressed as soon as she jumped out of bed. Her first concern was "Mom, I wonder who our author of the month will be this month!" (They study one author every month, and she LOVES this.). And then she skipped off to her bus toting her new Hannah Montana book bag loaded with a bunch of goodies.

Caroline wasn't too excited about being woken up so early, but she was soon smiling and ready to go.

And Kallie and I are home doing our happy dance. She gets to watch any of her new DVDs without fighting for the TV with her sister. And I get to try to get my house and my life back in order.

Tap, tappity tap tap tap!!!!!!

Have a good one!!!!!

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Happy New Year!!!

And what a year it was!!!

I am still neglecting this blog a bit too much, but for good reasons. Christmas vacation is, as you know, anything but for me. So getting time to sit and read and write is difficult.

But luckily, the kids have calmed down from the Christmas hype and things have been a little easier for me. I am getting a bit more sleep and am dealing with a few less tears. So all is good!! Although getting back into routine is always nice.

I took some photos of my SIL's kiddos this week. It was amazing. I went to a local park that offered some amazing scenery even in the dead of winter. I think we all had a great time and got some great photos!!! They are on my photo blog if you are interested....

I am definitely looking forward to the new year. I can't believe, a year ago today, I would have NEVER EVER thought of taking photos of anyone except my own kids. And now I am seriously attempting to start a real live photography business! Life is good! And crazy!!!

I ended this photography filled year with a great x-mas gift to myself - A new(used) D80 to replace my much loved D40. I LOVE this camera. I have to say that my photo quality isn't necessarily much better, but my percentage of great photos has increased tremendously. And that means the world to me.

I also just got, yesterday, a new lens to add to my collection - the Nikon 35 f/2.0. I wanted a wider angle lens since I sold my 18 - 55 kit lens with my D40. I took only a couple photos so far, but I have to say - AMAZING LENS!!! This photo was maybe the second I took, but I was seriously impressed. Just excuse the peanut butter mouth that I could have removed with photoshop but decided looked more natural to just leave as is!

Of course, the 50 f/1.8 is also quite nice!

Well, that is all for now folks! Have the Happiest of New Years!!!!!

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